Saturday, December 31, 2005
Just watch chronicles of narnia with my sis. Quite kool... and the storyline quite resemble the sacrifice of christ for our sin. However ending was quite predictable. Always the same, no twist, sad. Good guys win and return to where they came from.
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Me is so excited bout goin back to skool. Haha. New environment, new friends. New resolution. Me will stop being so Anti. Since no one noe me in this area... i will start over. Socialise and stuff. Becomming mr. popular. Have lots of connections. No one will notice i am anti-social. At least i will not feel bored. Keeping "low-profile" is sooo gonna stop...
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And thank you lord for lettin me into a jc durin the first 3 mth. (or else @ home very sianz 1)
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Now my feelin for every1 is very neutral. So strange... its like i'm finally back to square 1. No special feeling for anyone. But quite strange. I do not lose all my friends like be4. Maybe... finally, i experienced friendship...?
@ 12:56 AM
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Me is so excited bout goin back to skool. Haha. New environment, new friends. New resolution. Me will stop being so Anti. Since no one noe me in this area... i will start over. Socialise and stuff. Becomming mr. popular. Have lots of connections. No one will notice i am anti-social. At least i will not feel bored. Keeping "low-profile" is sooo gonna stop...
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And thank you lord for lettin me into a jc durin the first 3 mth. (or else @ home very sianz 1)
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Now my feelin for every1 is very neutral. So strange... its like i'm finally back to square 1. No special feeling for anyone. But quite strange. I do not lose all my friends like be4. Maybe... finally, i experienced friendship...?
@ 12:56 AM
Friday, December 30, 2005
Today damn suan! Han zhong, Lin han, Wei li, Caleb, Chiwei, Zhao pei and me went to Pulau Ubin to cycle. We went to rent the bicycle at $3 per day. The jungle trail is damn nice lor. Never got to cycle in this kinda rough terrain be4, last time at most around east coast park...
The upslope is so damn tiring... A few of us can't "tar han" and had to push the bicycle till got downslope. This trip is all bout endurance.
However it is still fun lor. We also went to chek jawa and entered it. Be4, when our school organise they say only can go when got guided tour, now we just went around. Luckily no one caught us. HAha.
Also after the that wei li and hanzhong is damn tired alr lor, so return first, while the rest of us went to arcade for pool. But so sianz lor... cos i dun noe how to play then watch them onli lor...
@ 12:35 AM
The upslope is so damn tiring... A few of us can't "tar han" and had to push the bicycle till got downslope. This trip is all bout endurance.
However it is still fun lor. We also went to chek jawa and entered it. Be4, when our school organise they say only can go when got guided tour, now we just went around. Luckily no one caught us. HAha.
Also after the that wei li and hanzhong is damn tired alr lor, so return first, while the rest of us went to arcade for pool. But so sianz lor... cos i dun noe how to play then watch them onli lor...
@ 12:35 AM
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Friends... What the He*k is that. To mi... i never felt friendship. I only know they care for me but i can't feel the same towards them... I felt so sorry for all the friends that cared for me. To me, friends is to enertain myself. Me me me, so self-centred man! But I can't help it.
If only my friends know what make me feel "good". To me... a true friend is very simple. Just hearin mi out. Just bear with me when i vent my anger... my sorrow... my happiness! Just that simple. Maybe, coz... I'm more of a emotional type. And since lesser ppl are like mi, I nvr found one that truly understand me.
Me need to slp early le... coz tomorrow got go Pulau Ubin. Need rest. Bye every1.
@ 12:35 AM
If only my friends know what make me feel "good". To me... a true friend is very simple. Just hearin mi out. Just bear with me when i vent my anger... my sorrow... my happiness! Just that simple. Maybe, coz... I'm more of a emotional type. And since lesser ppl are like mi, I nvr found one that truly understand me.
Me need to slp early le... coz tomorrow got go Pulau Ubin. Need rest. Bye every1.
@ 12:35 AM
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Waiting for my download to complete... so just hang around for a while. Today's really a normal day. Nothing much happen. Stuck at home with my sis. She won't even let me use the com, jus kept playin, playin and playin with her... really sianz man!
Didn't really tok to my parent bout the current situation. Me really need lots of freedom... haiz... regret being so good boy for so long. NOw just wanna hang out with friends also they mus "guan". Aniwae... nowaday quite lazy alr lar. Blog getting shorter and shorter. But at least others dun blog this often(almost everydae).
HA! And even though tis blog at first is delicated to her, now really helpless at wat is goin on. Is she gonna stay angry 4ever?... When will she forgive me...? Will time really heal the wound...? So helpless at this kinda situation. Maybe is it cos wat i say sound like a confession..? Pehape... that's my closest guess. But "bu shi ba", why get so pissed off...? It was like... we can't even be friends... but watever it is... i respected her feelings... and guess maybe I should stay away for a while.
Thinking bout it... i really missed the time when, we could jus chat normally, play, laugh and joke(as if i got...) but now we are like total stranger... even worst than that. She would feel uneasy with my pressence and would avoid me...
So sorry. My friend... i promised i'll nvr hurt u again...
@ 8:39 PM
Didn't really tok to my parent bout the current situation. Me really need lots of freedom... haiz... regret being so good boy for so long. NOw just wanna hang out with friends also they mus "guan". Aniwae... nowaday quite lazy alr lar. Blog getting shorter and shorter. But at least others dun blog this often(almost everydae).
HA! And even though tis blog at first is delicated to her, now really helpless at wat is goin on. Is she gonna stay angry 4ever?... When will she forgive me...? Will time really heal the wound...? So helpless at this kinda situation. Maybe is it cos wat i say sound like a confession..? Pehape... that's my closest guess. But "bu shi ba", why get so pissed off...? It was like... we can't even be friends... but watever it is... i respected her feelings... and guess maybe I should stay away for a while.
Thinking bout it... i really missed the time when, we could jus chat normally, play, laugh and joke(as if i got...) but now we are like total stranger... even worst than that. She would feel uneasy with my pressence and would avoid me...
So sorry. My friend... i promised i'll nvr hurt u again...
@ 8:39 PM
Monday, December 26, 2005
~*~I had this ‘Friend’~*~
~*~I thought it will Last~*~
~*~Then I did something really dumb~*~
~*~That I wish I’d never done~*~
~*~She got REALLY mad~*~
~*~And of course I got so sad~*~
~*~For now until forever~*~
~*~Even though you hate me~*~
~*~I just want you to see~*~
~*~I AM VERY SORRY~*~
~*~I hope you can forgive me~*~
@ 9:36 PM
~*~I thought it will Last~*~
~*~Then I did something really dumb~*~
~*~That I wish I’d never done~*~
~*~She got REALLY mad~*~
~*~And of course I got so sad~*~
~*~For now until forever~*~
~*~Even though you hate me~*~
~*~I just want you to see~*~
~*~I AM VERY SORRY~*~
~*~I hope you can forgive me~*~
@ 9:36 PM
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Haha! Luckily my sis wan me back... then can make card for them all... Surprised that they didn't taunt the whole nitez. And haha! sleep at 4. Me make card stay till 5 man... so sorry my printer ink got a little nt nice, hope you all dun mind.
Haiz... still dun noe why she seem so angry at me. Maybe need some time. And hAhA! This the first time i felt the warmt of friendship. So slightly, but it is very significant to me. Thanks for being there, my friends.
Now... think i wanna spent mah christmas playin old com games, jus to pass the time. Or else very sianz... Still have to wait till 12(boxing dae) be4 i can open my presents.
@ 4:00 PM
Haiz... still dun noe why she seem so angry at me. Maybe need some time. And hAhA! This the first time i felt the warmt of friendship. So slightly, but it is very significant to me. Thanks for being there, my friends.
Now... think i wanna spent mah christmas playin old com games, jus to pass the time. Or else very sianz... Still have to wait till 12(boxing dae) be4 i can open my presents.
@ 4:00 PM
Saturday, December 24, 2005
The time now is about 10:30. Why am I still here writing this blog? Only 1hr 30min to Christmas… sianz… actually wanted to join Edmund they all and taunt(however it is spelled) the night but my sis lor… too stick to me alr. Can’t stay with them… my parents alr agreed to let me stay liao lor… Haiz… Today’s performance is really damn scary lor, though I do not show it on my face. I was like look as if I was quite pro that when I played the wrong note… the audience did not laugh due to my serious and professional look.(I think) Haha!
Chiwei actually gave me presents leh… so “pia say”, me never prepared for them. Lin Han a joker lor… he just “kope” some of the postcard yesterday, write some greetings and gave it to us… aniwae… it’s the thoughts that count rite? K. Thanks.
I think I gonna prepared them some presents too lor. Gonna hand-made them. Maybe write greeting cards?
Also, I’m really sorry, Pauline for whatever that made you so angry at me. I think you are still mad… I’m gonna let you shimmer down first. Aniwae, dun be affected… just continue to enjoy your celebration mood.
And lastly… MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone… STAY happy always…
@ 10:46 PM
Chiwei actually gave me presents leh… so “pia say”, me never prepared for them. Lin Han a joker lor… he just “kope” some of the postcard yesterday, write some greetings and gave it to us… aniwae… it’s the thoughts that count rite? K. Thanks.
I think I gonna prepared them some presents too lor. Gonna hand-made them. Maybe write greeting cards?
Also, I’m really sorry, Pauline for whatever that made you so angry at me. I think you are still mad… I’m gonna let you shimmer down first. Aniwae, dun be affected… just continue to enjoy your celebration mood.
And lastly… MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone… STAY happy always…
@ 10:46 PM
hAhA… tis is so gonna end… but watsoever, why is she still angry? Cos of this case, are we like, can’t even be friend… it so strange. K, I will always be there for her,,, be there for anyone that need help. I had experienced all kinda such thing, I will help those who is in need. But I’m jus afraid I will lose all my friends once again… even though I was like so anti… I hate the feeling of losing all my friends cause then, I will be ever so lonely again… chiwei, if you see this… please continue to keep in contact with me… you are the only person I shared all my feeling to… think u understand wat I meant and wat I’ll do.
Aniwae… haha… good nite… tomorrow will be a sooo.. pleasant day for me. haAHhaha…
@ 12:41 AM
Aniwae… haha… good nite… tomorrow will be a sooo.. pleasant day for me. haAHhaha…
@ 12:41 AM
Oh no! I think I have stepped onto the mine! In pain, please help!! She is now very angry… prob is, wat is it? I was like wat the he*l goin on! Our relation is like worse than that of a stranger. Tried to talk to her. She was like very “fan” and turned away when I was talking to her. What is she thinking… I needed answer. She was like that ever since the sentosa trip. Chiwei told me she dun usually talk to ppl one and only response when ppl talk to her. What can I do to patch out?
Me wanna die liao lar… and why do I feel so abnormal today. Chiwei told me jus think that I dun like her… now, it was like, I dun feel like socializing, dun feel the friends, are friends. Strange ah… it was like I’m back to my lonely self. The one that didn’t wanna socialize, the mr. anti-social.
@ 12:11 AM
Me wanna die liao lar… and why do I feel so abnormal today. Chiwei told me jus think that I dun like her… now, it was like, I dun feel like socializing, dun feel the friends, are friends. Strange ah… it was like I’m back to my lonely self. The one that didn’t wanna socialize, the mr. anti-social.
@ 12:11 AM
Friday, December 23, 2005
So sad, yesterday I jus to tired to write any blog. Chat and told chiwei on how I felt. I never ever share with anyone how I felt. The “no love” thingie… I also dun wan to elaborate much. Those who wan to know and is truly my “friends”, please ask me. This is a strange feeling I had for years. Sad… now I know why I always skip the most important relation, friendship, be4 moving on into the bgr thingie. I was so afraid that I will just leave all my friends when I fall out of love. That’s wat I did when I truly 4get about my previous. I felt no love for parent, friendship, siblings, it was like… wat the he*l.
Ya! Yesterday, trip to sentosa is really very enjoyable. Started with a game of volleyball. I was like just getting the hang of volleyball, when weili missed the ball with her hand and uses his leg to kick it over and hit Pauline on her hand. Her thumb is like blue-black! What could I do!!?? I promised chiwei I would act as if she’s a normal friend. Feel so painful, not being there for her. Then we plae luge. Something like Go-kart. It was so darn fun lor. We buy tickets for 3 rides, $15 (one ride would cost $8). Woa! The last ride was so darn fun leh… we all would go down together. As if we were racing(although it wasn’t allowed). Then pei car went out of control and she was like can’t control it and swaying left and right finally crushing into one… and causing a major accident. Luckily I go by the side and avoiding it when most of them crushes onto each other.
After that, when we bout to leave sentosa, I finally had the chance to be with her, on the bus. I tried to talk to her, as a friend, didn’t noe whether is it cos she’s tired. But to me I felt she tried to shun away from me. Was it cos she was angry bout all the rumors, I was really sorrie… felt so bad…
On the train, I too had chance to be with her, but when I wanted to start out conversation with her… she was so engrossed in her call and all I did is, when I reached my stop, jus waved goodbye… hmm… couldn’t we even be friend… haiz…
@ 11:22 AM
Ya! Yesterday, trip to sentosa is really very enjoyable. Started with a game of volleyball. I was like just getting the hang of volleyball, when weili missed the ball with her hand and uses his leg to kick it over and hit Pauline on her hand. Her thumb is like blue-black! What could I do!!?? I promised chiwei I would act as if she’s a normal friend. Feel so painful, not being there for her. Then we plae luge. Something like Go-kart. It was so darn fun lor. We buy tickets for 3 rides, $15 (one ride would cost $8). Woa! The last ride was so darn fun leh… we all would go down together. As if we were racing(although it wasn’t allowed). Then pei car went out of control and she was like can’t control it and swaying left and right finally crushing into one… and causing a major accident. Luckily I go by the side and avoiding it when most of them crushes onto each other.
After that, when we bout to leave sentosa, I finally had the chance to be with her, on the bus. I tried to talk to her, as a friend, didn’t noe whether is it cos she’s tired. But to me I felt she tried to shun away from me. Was it cos she was angry bout all the rumors, I was really sorrie… felt so bad…
On the train, I too had chance to be with her, but when I wanted to start out conversation with her… she was so engrossed in her call and all I did is, when I reached my stop, jus waved goodbye… hmm… couldn’t we even be friend… haiz…
@ 11:22 AM
Thursday, December 22, 2005
HAhA... talk to my mum,,, and she allow me to go for the sentosa thingie... Happiness... lar.
We will be going for volleyball, beach soccer. Wow! suan 1/2! Aniwae... chiwei a very good friend. Never had such a nice chat since p4... woa sad... pathetic.
And woa lao... this site page getting long alr. Need that navbar. Please help teach mi how to make navbar on my blogs... ani1....
Kept on thinking bout her. But chiwei told me i am to act as if i dun like and let her like me first. How...!! Whenever i talk or treat her, my action betray me. Will she be really scare off? AHH!! settle doWn first... need some air... inhale...exhale...
that's better... So hoW?! Need help...! I think she being scare off alr leh.... how to patch up with her...? Will we become stranger eventually(like wat pei told of her story)? Need rest... need to tink wat to do, wat to say. I already taken too big a step... now have to go backward a bit and review the steps(Imagine walking across a mines-filled land). Need to calculated carefully... dun wish to step on the mine and KAA-BOOOM!!(mi a little lunatic at tis stage alr)
@ 12:20 AM
We will be going for volleyball, beach soccer. Wow! suan 1/2! Aniwae... chiwei a very good friend. Never had such a nice chat since p4... woa sad... pathetic.
And woa lao... this site page getting long alr. Need that navbar. Please help teach mi how to make navbar on my blogs... ani1....
Kept on thinking bout her. But chiwei told me i am to act as if i dun like and let her like me first. How...!! Whenever i talk or treat her, my action betray me. Will she be really scare off? AHH!! settle doWn first... need some air... inhale...exhale...
that's better... So hoW?! Need help...! I think she being scare off alr leh.... how to patch up with her...? Will we become stranger eventually(like wat pei told of her story)? Need rest... need to tink wat to do, wat to say. I already taken too big a step... now have to go backward a bit and review the steps(Imagine walking across a mines-filled land). Need to calculated carefully... dun wish to step on the mine and KAA-BOOOM!!(mi a little lunatic at tis stage alr)
@ 12:20 AM
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Haiz… another boring day. All I have all day is eat, sleep, play com… woa lao! No life man!
Woa! Kool! Just spoke to chiwei on the phone. Nice chat friend! To me, you are the second person that I spoke on the phone that long. Sad lar… the first one, total stranger. She accidentally add me on msn messenger. And after much chat, she wants to speak with me on the phone. Perhaps, cos she dun know mi. Haiz… those who know mi long enough will know I very anti-social one. So never did wanna chat… haiz… thank you once again, chiwei, for chatting with me. Really wanna share my feeling with someone… or else very uncomfortable.
K. I wanna go swimming and jogging liao. Haiz… my internet connection dial-up one. And my mum scolding that the phone bill is becoming more expensive. Maybe the next few day, I will not go online in msn messenger. I will just go and post my blog. If I ever had the time.
@ 2:29 PM
Woa! Kool! Just spoke to chiwei on the phone. Nice chat friend! To me, you are the second person that I spoke on the phone that long. Sad lar… the first one, total stranger. She accidentally add me on msn messenger. And after much chat, she wants to speak with me on the phone. Perhaps, cos she dun know mi. Haiz… those who know mi long enough will know I very anti-social one. So never did wanna chat… haiz… thank you once again, chiwei, for chatting with me. Really wanna share my feeling with someone… or else very uncomfortable.
K. I wanna go swimming and jogging liao. Haiz… my internet connection dial-up one. And my mum scolding that the phone bill is becoming more expensive. Maybe the next few day, I will not go online in msn messenger. I will just go and post my blog. If I ever had the time.
@ 2:29 PM
Sleep for at least 3 whole hours already. All charged up. Ready to go high. What can I do? Do spinning hook kick, flying hook kick, dropkick? Or the classic, bang the wall.
Haiz… my mum jus nagged at me again. She seemed to find out that I’m in love again. My mum wanted me out of tis kinda thing, like be4. It is not like I wanna to go against her… but she should know this is no one to control a teenage. Even for an anti-social person, I needed my own space and freedom. She could be there to support me and be there if ever I needed.
I know in my previous relation, she knows that I am in love and my studies dropped. She tot that after a while when my emotion stabiles(I had a depression when I’m rejected), I am out of love alr. Yea true I did had a big, serious depression. But did she know that after that, I still continued… I had change… she never knew that I’m still in love with the same girl while suppressing all the feeling I had when I am heartbroken over and over again. She was there thinking… ah good, my boy not in love anymore… and I dun wish he will go back into it. Well, sad to say, that time, I continued. No one was there for mi when I needed them. I’m a loner. Just hanging onto wat was left… I was so tormented.
This was all because of the strength the Lord gave mi, and mi being able to think positively, …etc. I was able walk alone in this bad mess. In the end, I still gave up. I think it is better to be friends. During these periods, did my studies dropped? is my emotion affected? No! I knew I was goin to go through these so, mum, dun be so afraid that tis will affect my life… whatever setback I have, I will just laugh at the face of it and continue… (weird quote)
Just after I gave up on her. Pauline came into my sight. She really made my day… I will love her wholeheartedly. And mum, please… I will never let you down. \/=~_~)/ (strange thing to say, not really to context! Haha!) and i love u mum.
@ 1:31 AM
Haiz… my mum jus nagged at me again. She seemed to find out that I’m in love again. My mum wanted me out of tis kinda thing, like be4. It is not like I wanna to go against her… but she should know this is no one to control a teenage. Even for an anti-social person, I needed my own space and freedom. She could be there to support me and be there if ever I needed.
I know in my previous relation, she knows that I am in love and my studies dropped. She tot that after a while when my emotion stabiles(I had a depression when I’m rejected), I am out of love alr. Yea true I did had a big, serious depression. But did she know that after that, I still continued… I had change… she never knew that I’m still in love with the same girl while suppressing all the feeling I had when I am heartbroken over and over again. She was there thinking… ah good, my boy not in love anymore… and I dun wish he will go back into it. Well, sad to say, that time, I continued. No one was there for mi when I needed them. I’m a loner. Just hanging onto wat was left… I was so tormented.
This was all because of the strength the Lord gave mi, and mi being able to think positively, …etc. I was able walk alone in this bad mess. In the end, I still gave up. I think it is better to be friends. During these periods, did my studies dropped? is my emotion affected? No! I knew I was goin to go through these so, mum, dun be so afraid that tis will affect my life… whatever setback I have, I will just laugh at the face of it and continue… (weird quote)
Just after I gave up on her. Pauline came into my sight. She really made my day… I will love her wholeheartedly. And mum, please… I will never let you down. \/=~_~)/ (strange thing to say, not really to context! Haha!) and i love u mum.
@ 1:31 AM
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Just woke up. Feeling bored… but and haiz… no activity… the guys wanted to go to bowling and pool, invited me, but I reject. Is it cos she won’t be goin? Nah… Just dun feel like goin and sad leh… this blog quite deserted. Forgotten all my html and javascripty stuff… still doesn’t know to create the navbar thingie… any1 who read tis entry and happen to know, please help.
I told her after the mighty man camp that I dreamt of her having prob with her relation. Of course, I myself also not sure whether tis is true or not. After checking out with her… She was shocked that I knew bout it. Haha, also amazed that it is so accurate… Wanna help and be there when she needed. But she told me prob solve already. Is it true? In the JB camp, I happen to notice that the guy in which she had prob wif is called Shane… I wondered… wat prob could she be facing…she once told me that the guy (Shane) wanted her to wait. I was like… !!! I happened to had quite a lot of experience with relation thingie… “whatever says” (translate in Chinese) I also quite sensitive and mature when dealing with relation mah… haha.
Want her to wait. I could think up of two scenarios, 1st, not time yet. Which were the more common ones. Can be coz of studies, parental “againstment”, etc. the 2nd possibility, is quite uncommon, but possible. That is the first thoughts that flash across my mind. He still in relationship. He wanted her to wait cos he’s still not done wif the previous.
Or is she trapped in btw? I felt sorry. And that I couldn’t do much to help, but just want her to know… there is still someone behind who will give a helping hand…( that’s when I enter the stage.. haha). But all these is just assumption, she never really told me much.
I wondered what she thinks of me. Hard for me to know since we don’t speak much even when we are together. Actually, me humorous one… also helpful, caring. Haha. I even won the most courteous award in my skool. Bet you all dunnoe. Haha. How can I get to know her more? Will she accept me? Maybe I should wait awhile… but will she still available when I’m ready? Does she even know I like her...?
@ 3:04 PM
I told her after the mighty man camp that I dreamt of her having prob with her relation. Of course, I myself also not sure whether tis is true or not. After checking out with her… She was shocked that I knew bout it. Haha, also amazed that it is so accurate… Wanna help and be there when she needed. But she told me prob solve already. Is it true? In the JB camp, I happen to notice that the guy in which she had prob wif is called Shane… I wondered… wat prob could she be facing…she once told me that the guy (Shane) wanted her to wait. I was like… !!! I happened to had quite a lot of experience with relation thingie… “whatever says” (translate in Chinese) I also quite sensitive and mature when dealing with relation mah… haha.
Want her to wait. I could think up of two scenarios, 1st, not time yet. Which were the more common ones. Can be coz of studies, parental “againstment”, etc. the 2nd possibility, is quite uncommon, but possible. That is the first thoughts that flash across my mind. He still in relationship. He wanted her to wait cos he’s still not done wif the previous.
Or is she trapped in btw? I felt sorry. And that I couldn’t do much to help, but just want her to know… there is still someone behind who will give a helping hand…( that’s when I enter the stage.. haha). But all these is just assumption, she never really told me much.
I wondered what she thinks of me. Hard for me to know since we don’t speak much even when we are together. Actually, me humorous one… also helpful, caring. Haha. I even won the most courteous award in my skool. Bet you all dunnoe. Haha. How can I get to know her more? Will she accept me? Maybe I should wait awhile… but will she still available when I’m ready? Does she even know I like her...?
@ 3:04 PM
Haha... back again...
just came back from the movie, KING KONG. Watch with pauline, zhao pei, wei li, lin han, and their friend, caleb... Haiz... some of them just got to know i like her... am i really that obvious. I tried not to. Well, today after show, i never really spoken to her. Not at all. What's happening? Am i a coward? Is tis wat i want? NO! i had so less time and chance to be with her. What was i thinkin? Anyway... mi will be there whenever she needed help. I would try to control my emotion and not let it interferred with her life... if she dun wan.
Woa! so late aalr... ah... better sleep lar, continue next time.
@ 12:38 AM
just came back from the movie, KING KONG. Watch with pauline, zhao pei, wei li, lin han, and their friend, caleb... Haiz... some of them just got to know i like her... am i really that obvious. I tried not to. Well, today after show, i never really spoken to her. Not at all. What's happening? Am i a coward? Is tis wat i want? NO! i had so less time and chance to be with her. What was i thinkin? Anyway... mi will be there whenever she needed help. I would try to control my emotion and not let it interferred with her life... if she dun wan.
Woa! so late aalr... ah... better sleep lar, continue next time.
@ 12:38 AM
Monday, December 19, 2005
Back from the missionary camp... It is really satifying to be able to help up there. The kids all look so cute and their smiles really made my day. All these socialing and befriending stuff all seem so alien to me (i used to be Mr. Anti-social).
Only one thing for sure... my love for her had already grown deeper... make me wanna do socialise, make me wanna do things to impress her... if only she knew it... I have not made any advances yet... i respected her, i respected her feeling. I just want her to be happy... never to let her felt trapped. Just watched from afar... when she enjoys herself, try to be there when she need help or just be there for her...
Sometime, when others made advances to her, i would too get jealous and also helpless... i felt sorry that i may not be there for her as fighting for her rights will show i cared bout her, i liked her... i did not want others to know my love for her... at least not yet... i hope she can get as much freedom as possible... As for a friend who also like her... i'm sorry but had to tell you that if you did anything bad to her... i'll never let u go. Let's has fair play. Fair competition. I respect the choice she made... but just want to tell her i really love her and will always be there by her side...
That is... if only i could. I do not meet up with her very often and never attended cell group. I wondered, ... will absent make the heart grow fonder or will our realation end jus like this...
I do not want to attend cell group because of her... I will attend it when i'm ready. The relation with God is more important than anything else. And if i gonna attend cell group... i would do it for Him. But i still hope thre good Lord would be able "chen quan" the both of us...
Also sad to say, sometime i also felt in inferior in front of her... she got lots of talent... leadership, sociable, and musical talent... but i am nothing... I tried to do things to impress her but i hate it when i screwed up. It always so embrassing. Learning violin ever since p2, i'm still at grade 5(coz i'm lazy), when she is already a piano diploma. Thinking bout it, i really had nothing to impressed her,,, only a heart that is so true to her. And being there for her.
I really hoped to continue with her. Talking so much that i could do for her... i also wanted her happiness in the future... so from this day on, i'll study hard... so... i can get good academic achievement, get decent-paying job and allowing her to enjoy life...
The last thing that i wanna say from the bottom of my heart is... "Pauline,,, i love you."
@ 12:33 PM
Only one thing for sure... my love for her had already grown deeper... make me wanna do socialise, make me wanna do things to impress her... if only she knew it... I have not made any advances yet... i respected her, i respected her feeling. I just want her to be happy... never to let her felt trapped. Just watched from afar... when she enjoys herself, try to be there when she need help or just be there for her...
Sometime, when others made advances to her, i would too get jealous and also helpless... i felt sorry that i may not be there for her as fighting for her rights will show i cared bout her, i liked her... i did not want others to know my love for her... at least not yet... i hope she can get as much freedom as possible... As for a friend who also like her... i'm sorry but had to tell you that if you did anything bad to her... i'll never let u go. Let's has fair play. Fair competition. I respect the choice she made... but just want to tell her i really love her and will always be there by her side...
That is... if only i could. I do not meet up with her very often and never attended cell group. I wondered, ... will absent make the heart grow fonder or will our realation end jus like this...
I do not want to attend cell group because of her... I will attend it when i'm ready. The relation with God is more important than anything else. And if i gonna attend cell group... i would do it for Him. But i still hope thre good Lord would be able "chen quan" the both of us...
Also sad to say, sometime i also felt in inferior in front of her... she got lots of talent... leadership, sociable, and musical talent... but i am nothing... I tried to do things to impress her but i hate it when i screwed up. It always so embrassing. Learning violin ever since p2, i'm still at grade 5(coz i'm lazy), when she is already a piano diploma. Thinking bout it, i really had nothing to impressed her,,, only a heart that is so true to her. And being there for her.
I really hoped to continue with her. Talking so much that i could do for her... i also wanted her happiness in the future... so from this day on, i'll study hard... so... i can get good academic achievement, get decent-paying job and allowing her to enjoy life...
The last thing that i wanna say from the bottom of my heart is... "Pauline,,, i love you."
@ 12:33 PM
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
UPDATED 06/10/2008 **************.jpg)
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I think she's not happy with me disfiguring my face =D
@ 10:03 PM
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this is the first time i saw her =D and we... chat, sms... and the rest is history =DD
Mac's photobooth is fun =D
That's her =D
I seriously dunno why I give that expression
I seriously dunno why I give that expression
did i mention my girl's a flasher??? Omg... joking... dun take it too seriously =__='' wait i kenna whack by her
that's all folks... alot of pic, she dun allow me to show. Lol =X
@ 10:03 PM
sad lar.... this is my first blog... dunnoe if anyone would be able to see it... sianz...
if u read this... please leave a message....
Anyway... me will be goin to jb for mission trip tomorrow.... and mi very high now...
k... today... mah first time goin out with my friends... quite pathetic rite? Alr sec 4 liao le, still so little buddy... haiz...
hope can get into jc... then... i would make as much frens as possible, or else will be very sianz... alone... (haiz... pathetic leh... dunnoe will anyone read it)
bye, anyone, who would bother to read... i had to pack for the camp, and sleep early cos tomorrow will be meeting with pauline they all. Now SuPeR tired alr...
not sure whether this is my last entry... will i kept on postin? Who knows... leave a messenge if u appreciate my effort...
@ 10:03 PM
if u read this... please leave a message....
Anyway... me will be goin to jb for mission trip tomorrow.... and mi very high now...
k... today... mah first time goin out with my friends... quite pathetic rite? Alr sec 4 liao le, still so little buddy... haiz...
hope can get into jc... then... i would make as much frens as possible, or else will be very sianz... alone... (haiz... pathetic leh... dunnoe will anyone read it)
bye, anyone, who would bother to read... i had to pack for the camp, and sleep early cos tomorrow will be meeting with pauline they all. Now SuPeR tired alr...
not sure whether this is my last entry... will i kept on postin? Who knows... leave a messenge if u appreciate my effort...
@ 10:03 PM
WeLc0mE
Hi, this is a blog by 5amuel Chan.
Feel free to look around =D
Pr0fiLe
5amuel Chan
10021989
Interactive Media Design
Temasek Polytechnic
Christ Church Sec. Sch
Qihua Pri. Sch
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nth much...