Back from the missionary camp... It is really satifying to be able to help up there. The kids all look so cute and their smiles really made my day. All these socialing and befriending stuff all seem so alien to me (i used to be Mr. Anti-social).

Only one thing for sure... my love for her had already grown deeper... make me wanna do socialise, make me wanna do things to impress her... if only she knew it... I have not made any advances yet... i respected her, i respected her feeling. I just want her to be happy... never to let her felt trapped. Just watched from afar... when she enjoys herself, try to be there when she need help or just be there for her...

Sometime, when others made advances to her, i would too get jealous and also helpless... i felt sorry that i may not be there for her as fighting for her rights will show i cared bout her, i liked her... i did not want others to know my love for her... at least not yet... i hope she can get as much freedom as possible... As for a friend who also like her... i'm sorry but had to tell you that if you did anything bad to her... i'll never let u go. Let's has fair play. Fair competition. I respect the choice she made... but just want to tell her i really love her and will always be there by her side...

That is... if only i could. I do not meet up with her very often and never attended cell group. I wondered, ... will absent make the heart grow fonder or will our realation end jus like this...

I do not want to attend cell group because of her... I will attend it when i'm ready. The relation with God is more important than anything else. And if i gonna attend cell group... i would do it for Him. But i still hope thre good Lord would be able "chen quan" the both of us...

Also sad to say, sometime i also felt in inferior in front of her... she got lots of talent... leadership, sociable, and musical talent... but i am nothing... I tried to do things to impress her but i hate it when i screwed up. It always so embrassing. Learning violin ever since p2, i'm still at grade 5(coz i'm lazy), when she is already a piano diploma. Thinking bout it, i really had nothing to impressed her,,, only a heart that is so true to her. And being there for her.

I really hoped to continue with her. Talking so much that i could do for her... i also wanted her happiness in the future... so from this day on, i'll study hard... so... i can get good academic achievement, get decent-paying job and allowing her to enjoy life...

The last thing that i wanna say from the bottom of my heart is... "Pauline,,, i love you."