Sunday, February 26, 2006
The camp is over. Only one thing to say bout it. It's damn fun lo. Games, bondin with one another. Finish learnin e mass dance, college dance.
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However there's a few prob lo. The ic teachers of e orientation say tt you cannot take part in e orientation if you are not stayin in SR. My actual plan is tt i will try to appeal into SR, but if i still can't get into SR n remain in a poly, i will still join e orientation as an OGL since poly won't be startin so early. Now, i die die also muz get into SR. I wanted to join OGL, also tt i wanted to be in e council. It is a passion for me to be able to lead my fellow peers. SO kooL..~!
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Another situation my family, Athens, is facing is that only 3-4 ppl in Athens is goin to stay in SR, so that our walk-in practises is a waste of time, coz in e end, we still gonna design another walk-in coz we would nt be able do it after e great 'resuffle'.
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I would Also would missed jie, and all my frens in SR, hope tt we will always stay in contact and try and find time to go walk walk...
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Hope jie will get to a jc she like and tt she would have place to live in. And i'm not jokin when i offer my house for her to stay, do i look like i'm jokin? I reallie haf xtra beds, xtra room, xtra study area, xtra carbinet space. And I not out to any fishy business... haiz... reallie dun noe wat to say to ppl and show to them tt i'm reallie sincere. Feel so bad not being able to earn their trust sometime. In fact... i nvr did and nvr will....
@ 9:21 PM
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However there's a few prob lo. The ic teachers of e orientation say tt you cannot take part in e orientation if you are not stayin in SR. My actual plan is tt i will try to appeal into SR, but if i still can't get into SR n remain in a poly, i will still join e orientation as an OGL since poly won't be startin so early. Now, i die die also muz get into SR. I wanted to join OGL, also tt i wanted to be in e council. It is a passion for me to be able to lead my fellow peers. SO kooL..~!
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Another situation my family, Athens, is facing is that only 3-4 ppl in Athens is goin to stay in SR, so that our walk-in practises is a waste of time, coz in e end, we still gonna design another walk-in coz we would nt be able do it after e great 'resuffle'.
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I would Also would missed jie, and all my frens in SR, hope tt we will always stay in contact and try and find time to go walk walk...
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Hope jie will get to a jc she like and tt she would have place to live in. And i'm not jokin when i offer my house for her to stay, do i look like i'm jokin? I reallie haf xtra beds, xtra room, xtra study area, xtra carbinet space. And I not out to any fishy business... haiz... reallie dun noe wat to say to ppl and show to them tt i'm reallie sincere. Feel so bad not being able to earn their trust sometime. In fact... i nvr did and nvr will....
@ 9:21 PM
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I just tell jie jie bout everything yesterdae. I'm so afraid that she will be like all my others frens n abandon me. I so afraid that i will lose jie. She's e closest person to me nw n i wonder wat will happen to me when she's gone.
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That day, b4 tellin jie bout it, i went to kovan heartland mall n by all mean get e monkey soft toy jie lost. Hope tt will cheer jie up. When jie is happy, i will(most probably) be happy. E fact is yesterdae i felt terrible. Jie likes to play 'disowning di' and give me e cold shoulder e whole day, me felt so bad lo. Even though i noe jie was jus playin, i can't help it but... well 4 get it. Please dun add oil to e situation tt is still nt under control.
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Haha.. i did find e monkey. Then i buy a few other stuff b4 goin home. I began makin jie belated birthday gift. Which was last yr nov lo. lol, so long ago, anyway jie say she dun mind wan. Hu noes i will reallie go prepare it. Haha.. a word of caution to my frens out there. Be careful wat u wish 4.
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So tis is wat i made 4 jie jie. I make frm 8pm to 4+ in e mornin lo... hope jie will like it. Tis mornin super tired lo. But i dun wan to let jie jie know, scare she worried.
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Actually, i told jie bout it lo. I suddenly felt so relieved. Be4 tt, i was like very sad one lo. Veri confused, and felt tt i gonna breakdown soon.
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Now, though e outcome is nt wat i want it to be. But i will respect jie choice. However, hope jie noe... I will always be there 4 her. I'm there 4 everyone... but hu's here to support me...
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Haiz.. dun think negative le la, think positive.
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There's sth i dun noe whether i shld say. But anyway, sometime when jie jie is veri close to other guy i a little nt comfortable, or is it jealous... Nvm la... only a little. It's natural... but i felt veri contridicting lo... on 1 hand, i say i will respect jie's decision, on e other... i get jealous... WTH...
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But whatever happens... i hope jie noe tt di will support her one. And will b waitin 4 her...
@ 7:42 PM
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That day, b4 tellin jie bout it, i went to kovan heartland mall n by all mean get e monkey soft toy jie lost. Hope tt will cheer jie up. When jie is happy, i will(most probably) be happy. E fact is yesterdae i felt terrible. Jie likes to play 'disowning di' and give me e cold shoulder e whole day, me felt so bad lo. Even though i noe jie was jus playin, i can't help it but... well 4 get it. Please dun add oil to e situation tt is still nt under control.
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Haha.. i did find e monkey. Then i buy a few other stuff b4 goin home. I began makin jie belated birthday gift. Which was last yr nov lo. lol, so long ago, anyway jie say she dun mind wan. Hu noes i will reallie go prepare it. Haha.. a word of caution to my frens out there. Be careful wat u wish 4.
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So tis is wat i made 4 jie jie. I make frm 8pm to 4+ in e mornin lo... hope jie will like it. Tis mornin super tired lo. But i dun wan to let jie jie know, scare she worried.
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Actually, i told jie bout it lo. I suddenly felt so relieved. Be4 tt, i was like very sad one lo. Veri confused, and felt tt i gonna breakdown soon.
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Now, though e outcome is nt wat i want it to be. But i will respect jie choice. However, hope jie noe... I will always be there 4 her. I'm there 4 everyone... but hu's here to support me...
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Haiz.. dun think negative le la, think positive.
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There's sth i dun noe whether i shld say. But anyway, sometime when jie jie is veri close to other guy i a little nt comfortable, or is it jealous... Nvm la... only a little. It's natural... but i felt veri contridicting lo... on 1 hand, i say i will respect jie's decision, on e other... i get jealous... WTH...
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But whatever happens... i hope jie noe tt di will support her one. And will b waitin 4 her...
@ 7:42 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
No one understand me. Not even jie jie. I felt so terrible, so alone, so confused.
@ 7:30 PM
@ 7:30 PM
Saturday, February 18, 2006
So happi todae. Went out with jie jie. First we go ACJC and meet out with samuel zee and another fren. The carnival at ACJC was fun but damn... i was my carryin 'sniper rifle' along so very ma fan. After tt jie jie pei wo go lot 1 for my violin lesson. Actually we wanna go Adam Khoo's introductory seminar one... in e end, we decided to watch 'i'm not stupid too' instead. Hope that my mum won't b like e parents in e shw, gt to c e blog, coz i lied to them ad tell them tt i went with a grp of frens to the seminar. today return home veri late....
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Notice jie always recall tt guy. Me actually wanted to noe wat really happen, really tempted to ask, but i dun wan jie to think of it again...
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nw veri sleepy, tomorrw still need to lead in worship, so stop writin le..
nitez...
bye...
@ 10:35 PM
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Notice jie always recall tt guy. Me actually wanted to noe wat really happen, really tempted to ask, but i dun wan jie to think of it again...
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nw veri sleepy, tomorrw still need to lead in worship, so stop writin le..
nitez...
bye...
@ 10:35 PM
Thursday, February 16, 2006
So happy able to c jie jie todae. Passed her e gifts le... Haha... jie sick so i help her eat e chocolate i made 4 her. In e end, nvr give to her at all. lol.
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Nvr noe y i even go back to skool. Missed jie ba. I maybe goin poly le, so i dunnoe whether i shld even do e tutorial hw, dunnoe even whether i shld attend lessons at all. Hmm...
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Jus now happen sth made me so worried. Pehape, i might standby e whole night jus in case sth happen. Haiz... nw onli 10 but i feelin tired le. dun write le, rest first... it will be a long night 4 me today.
@ 9:55 PM
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Nvr noe y i even go back to skool. Missed jie ba. I maybe goin poly le, so i dunnoe whether i shld even do e tutorial hw, dunnoe even whether i shld attend lessons at all. Hmm...
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Jus now happen sth made me so worried. Pehape, i might standby e whole night jus in case sth happen. Haiz... nw onli 10 but i feelin tired le. dun write le, rest first... it will be a long night 4 me today.
@ 9:55 PM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Today damn sian man! Stay at home all day. Goin online, reading old comic, flippin thru TIMES...
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Actually my CG frens ask me out today to play pool. But I'm reallie tired le... mentally tired...
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ok... let's tok bout yesterday outin wif my OG frens. Reallie fun man. I had 2 hrs of rollarbladin n 1 hr of cyclin. The blade damn good lor... very smooth, pick up fast, and can reach very high speed. But that is y i fell down 3 times... at very fast speed. Damn painful sia. After bladin... mei ying got fainting spell. I was so scare lor! It's probably due to low blood pressure... because after that, when I go cycling at high speed for 1 hr, i also got a little of giddy, but i jus went to sit alone and rest till i was ok. But yah lar, i muz admit, mine was only very mild. Not to worry.
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This afternoon, jie jie sms and told me she was sick. I was like, so worried lor! and ask her if she need help or nt. Haha... i dun mind escorting jie jie home one. Anyway... this is wat di di is meant for. Wanna take care of jie jie. Hope jie will be alright...! soon... and can go to skool tomorrow... I reallie missed jie jie alot...!! HAha. But if jie jie reallie nt feeling well, den it's better 4 her to stay at home and also, will haf to postpone jie jie's surprised le.
@ 7:22 PM
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Actually my CG frens ask me out today to play pool. But I'm reallie tired le... mentally tired...
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ok... let's tok bout yesterday outin wif my OG frens. Reallie fun man. I had 2 hrs of rollarbladin n 1 hr of cyclin. The blade damn good lor... very smooth, pick up fast, and can reach very high speed. But that is y i fell down 3 times... at very fast speed. Damn painful sia. After bladin... mei ying got fainting spell. I was so scare lor! It's probably due to low blood pressure... because after that, when I go cycling at high speed for 1 hr, i also got a little of giddy, but i jus went to sit alone and rest till i was ok. But yah lar, i muz admit, mine was only very mild. Not to worry.
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This afternoon, jie jie sms and told me she was sick. I was like, so worried lor! and ask her if she need help or nt. Haha... i dun mind escorting jie jie home one. Anyway... this is wat di di is meant for. Wanna take care of jie jie. Hope jie will be alright...! soon... and can go to skool tomorrow... I reallie missed jie jie alot...!! HAha. But if jie jie reallie nt feeling well, den it's better 4 her to stay at home and also, will haf to postpone jie jie's surprised le.
@ 7:22 PM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
It's half past 12 le. It's Valentine's Day. Wishing everone a Happy Valentine's Day.
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Sad lar... Me reallie hate being alone durin valentine. Haha... no valentine for me this time round.
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today... or shld i say yesterday, i went to school early in e mornin. Hopin i can appeal into SR. I wanted to tok to the principal, as i noe her quite well... but e first staff i saw is e vp. I tok to her n told her bout my results n ask if i can enter SR... but she say no.. and tok bout all the MOE guideline rubbish... she jus won't let me in. Actually wanted to ask if i can enter via cca or leadership qualities, but hear her say so much craps, i sianz liao... den went off...
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ok... i better stop now... eye gettin tired. I think I would have my beauty sleep... (or is it handsome sleep\/=~-~)/?)
@ 12:21 AM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Did everyone see my so-called "sucide collection"? It in e previous entry. I take it right after i gt the 'o' level result. And a bit crazy lar... , i took those foto even when i'm damn sad. Haha... for viewing pleasure.
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It jus that the collection is nt complete. Still dun haf the foto taken in mid-air, and e one when e ground break my fall. But if i have tt, also cannot let u all c le...
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And jie jie is so good. She took foto of us together and set it as my fone background, so when i missed jie, i can always look at her. When i sad n depress, i can c jie and remember wat i promised her.
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Really nothing much i can do nw... I wanna go skool tomorrow and 'threaten' the principal to let me into SR. And that wish me good luck. Even if i get in, I muz be sure i can pass my 'o' level EL when i retake it or else may get kanna kick out.
@ 9:14 PM
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It jus that the collection is nt complete. Still dun haf the foto taken in mid-air, and e one when e ground break my fall. But if i have tt, also cannot let u all c le...
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And jie jie is so good. She took foto of us together and set it as my fone background, so when i missed jie, i can always look at her. When i sad n depress, i can c jie and remember wat i promised her.
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Really nothing much i can do nw... I wanna go skool tomorrow and 'threaten' the principal to let me into SR. And that wish me good luck. Even if i get in, I muz be sure i can pass my 'o' level EL when i retake it or else may get kanna kick out.
@ 9:14 PM
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Haiz... my jie jie zi lian lar. Always take foto of herself. HAha
Haha! Me also...-
Aftermath of getting 'o' level result.... (a D7 for english)
@ 12:32 PM
This is it man! I wanna get into JC! Be it SR. I will work hard... no slacking around alr. I've learnt an important lesson.
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my result:
english D7
chinese B3 (again 4 e 3rd time)
Combined Humanities B4
math A2
A math B3
physic B3
chem A2
bio A2
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So... if i'm nt wrong, it's a L1R5 of 20. Can enter JC.. but conditional, also need to retake EL as a pirvate candidate. But jus hope e principle will allow me to enter e college. I promise i will start to work hard.
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I wanted to quit Taekwondo le, i want 2 join e council. Dunnoe whether not qualifying 4 jc make me unable to use my bonus pts. If i remain in SR, i will have a bonus pt of 4. Just wish me good luck.
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K... and jie, see... i promised i will remain +ve. \/=^-^)/
@ 11:18 AM
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my result:
english D7
chinese B3 (again 4 e 3rd time)
Combined Humanities B4
math A2
A math B3
physic B3
chem A2
bio A2
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So... if i'm nt wrong, it's a L1R5 of 20. Can enter JC.. but conditional, also need to retake EL as a pirvate candidate. But jus hope e principle will allow me to enter e college. I promise i will start to work hard.
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I wanted to quit Taekwondo le, i want 2 join e council. Dunnoe whether not qualifying 4 jc make me unable to use my bonus pts. If i remain in SR, i will have a bonus pt of 4. Just wish me good luck.
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K... and jie, see... i promised i will remain +ve. \/=^-^)/
@ 11:18 AM
Friday, February 10, 2006
The result is out. When i saw form A and look in the first row, i was shocked to see a D. What does it mean? I got a 7 for my L1!!! AARRGG...!! However I look soo.. calm, yet inside me i felt tt some part of me die. I'm gone! D7 for english mean i can't get into jc!
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My appearance really look decieving. I was like holding onto e result n walk all over e place with a smile on my face. My frens even tot i got good grades and when i told them i got 7 for L1, they won't believe me. They thought i was joking.
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And i was so sad then lor. i wanted someone to b there for me, share my sorrow but i noe tt i shldn't bother anyone. Beside, pehape they'll b celebratin n i dun wan to spolit their mood.
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Call jinnie jie jie and told her bout it. But so sad, she is already goin off to KL le. So yah, i shldn't bother her too much. Jus tell her i'll be alright and tell her nt to worry.
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To make myself nt think so much. I went to buy for my jie' valentine gift. And i got it! But can only pass it to her when skool reopen... which will b at e commin thursday.
@ 10:19 PM
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My appearance really look decieving. I was like holding onto e result n walk all over e place with a smile on my face. My frens even tot i got good grades and when i told them i got 7 for L1, they won't believe me. They thought i was joking.
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And i was so sad then lor. i wanted someone to b there for me, share my sorrow but i noe tt i shldn't bother anyone. Beside, pehape they'll b celebratin n i dun wan to spolit their mood.
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Call jinnie jie jie and told her bout it. But so sad, she is already goin off to KL le. So yah, i shldn't bother her too much. Jus tell her i'll be alright and tell her nt to worry.
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To make myself nt think so much. I went to buy for my jie' valentine gift. And i got it! But can only pass it to her when skool reopen... which will b at e commin thursday.
@ 10:19 PM
My JiE n Me! So love my JiE!!
@ 1:25 AM
Time now. 1am..! It's 10th Feb le! Yea! My birthday.
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Haha... we were all shocked. Mdm Kelly Tan actually went crazy with us. We had a party and she was so on lor! During e yam seng, she even screamed e loudest. Haha.
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My whole CG(except Joshua) pon chem lecture today. We went off 4 a CG outing,to Pizza Hut, to celebrate e birthdays of those born in Feb. Actually they wanted to surprise me de. But, i know wat is goin on le.... haiz... so no fun.
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So happy today!! Jin Yan jus become my god sister jus now. So cool. You see... i always wanted a friend to be my jie jie but never got e chance, cos i almost always e eldest in my class. Jin Yan, or u can call her Jinnie, is 18 tis yr. So... today, i first call her jie jie... then she accept me as her bro... Yipee! So happy! So like my Jie!
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And better stop bloggin le. I actually wanted to make a special valentine gifts to all e gals i noe... but since i went home so late, i think i only do for some... (my jie suggest one). So e lucky gals is mei ying, ethel, JiE, and Dorcas(when i meet her in sec. skool). Dunnoe even whether e gifts will turn out good. But try my best. And yup! I promise you, JiE, that i will sleep early... so dun worry
@ 12:54 AM
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Haha... we were all shocked. Mdm Kelly Tan actually went crazy with us. We had a party and she was so on lor! During e yam seng, she even screamed e loudest. Haha.
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My whole CG(except Joshua) pon chem lecture today. We went off 4 a CG outing,to Pizza Hut, to celebrate e birthdays of those born in Feb. Actually they wanted to surprise me de. But, i know wat is goin on le.... haiz... so no fun.
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So happy today!! Jin Yan jus become my god sister jus now. So cool. You see... i always wanted a friend to be my jie jie but never got e chance, cos i almost always e eldest in my class. Jin Yan, or u can call her Jinnie, is 18 tis yr. So... today, i first call her jie jie... then she accept me as her bro... Yipee! So happy! So like my Jie!
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And better stop bloggin le. I actually wanted to make a special valentine gifts to all e gals i noe... but since i went home so late, i think i only do for some... (my jie suggest one). So e lucky gals is mei ying, ethel, JiE, and Dorcas(when i meet her in sec. skool). Dunnoe even whether e gifts will turn out good. But try my best. And yup! I promise you, JiE, that i will sleep early... so dun worry
@ 12:54 AM
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Haha... good act samuel. At least, no one think tt i'm really sad today.
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I tried to tok to fadhil and sean and persude them to join e 'gang'.
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Also, i'm really tired and pissed. I never long for a friend so much b4.
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You may be thinking y am i sayin tt i'm an anti-social when i dun seem like one. It's just tt i'm trying not to be one. I'm in e process of doing so. I need support, i need help! It may take months... maybe years... really need friends to help me. B4, i totally feel no feeling for anyone. But when i start to feel bad 4 my friends doin so much 4 me coz they care, and me unable to feel the same way back... I'm felt happy, so relieved tt finally... i'm taking e first step OUT from being an anti-social.
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But dun b decieved, i may tell u tt i'm ok... but HONESTLY i'm not. And trust me... u won't noe when i will act. I may be happy, but i will act sad. I may be sad, but i will act happy.(normally it's e latter) And sometime, i will just show out how i feel.
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Today... went straight home after lesson.I did not even bother to go find her. Ok... nt straight home... i did wander around. I wanted to look 4 friends to go back together.
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Actually, i really hope tt i can be with my friends. At least i'll not think so much and enjoy being with friends. I really want to change.
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Haha... also dun understand why. I only like to talk to gals on how i feel. Chiwei, her, Jinyan, Ethel... etc. Pehape, only they will truly understand how i felt. And tt's y all my best friends are gals...
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\/=^-^)/ Thanks u all! Best frens 4ever!
@ 3:18 PM
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I tried to tok to fadhil and sean and persude them to join e 'gang'.
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Also, i'm really tired and pissed. I never long for a friend so much b4.
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You may be thinking y am i sayin tt i'm an anti-social when i dun seem like one. It's just tt i'm trying not to be one. I'm in e process of doing so. I need support, i need help! It may take months... maybe years... really need friends to help me. B4, i totally feel no feeling for anyone. But when i start to feel bad 4 my friends doin so much 4 me coz they care, and me unable to feel the same way back... I'm felt happy, so relieved tt finally... i'm taking e first step OUT from being an anti-social.
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But dun b decieved, i may tell u tt i'm ok... but HONESTLY i'm not. And trust me... u won't noe when i will act. I may be happy, but i will act sad. I may be sad, but i will act happy.(normally it's e latter) And sometime, i will just show out how i feel.
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Today... went straight home after lesson.I did not even bother to go find her. Ok... nt straight home... i did wander around. I wanted to look 4 friends to go back together.
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Actually, i really hope tt i can be with my friends. At least i'll not think so much and enjoy being with friends. I really want to change.
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Haha... also dun understand why. I only like to talk to gals on how i feel. Chiwei, her, Jinyan, Ethel... etc. Pehape, only they will truly understand how i felt. And tt's y all my best friends are gals...
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\/=^-^)/ Thanks u all! Best frens 4ever!
@ 3:18 PM
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
I feel so totally ...!!!!
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I dun mean to bother her with sms. But tt's hw i treat my friends... we sms to each other all e time. So if this really bug her, i can only say... i'm sorry. I'm at e fault, i dun noe hw to b a friend. Make her feel so confused and uncomfortable.
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Tried to b friendly, try 2 build back e relation we used to have. Really missed those dazes when we went home together, E time when i am able to tok to her freely bout anything under e sun. I felt so bad. I hate to lose a friend once AGAIN.
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Trust me, i reallie dun wish to lose her as a friend. If there is reallie nth tt will make her believe me, I will swear that I will NEVER EVER chase her. I hope tt will be enough to prove tt i'm sincere to be friends. Just hope that she will stay happy... Jus hope that we can b FRIENDS...
@ 8:29 PM
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I dun mean to bother her with sms. But tt's hw i treat my friends... we sms to each other all e time. So if this really bug her, i can only say... i'm sorry. I'm at e fault, i dun noe hw to b a friend. Make her feel so confused and uncomfortable.
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Tried to b friendly, try 2 build back e relation we used to have. Really missed those dazes when we went home together, E time when i am able to tok to her freely bout anything under e sun. I felt so bad. I hate to lose a friend once AGAIN.
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Trust me, i reallie dun wish to lose her as a friend. If there is reallie nth tt will make her believe me, I will swear that I will NEVER EVER chase her. I hope tt will be enough to prove tt i'm sincere to be friends. Just hope that she will stay happy... Jus hope that we can b FRIENDS...
@ 8:29 PM
Monday, February 06, 2006
Hmmm... jus now wait 4 her... So bored. Nothing to do. I did my chem tutorial half-way, my brain burnt-out le... Then read my, "I kissed Dating Goodbye"... very meaningful. Give me a new attitude towards romance and relationship. So pehape, maybe... I will stop dating? Hmmm... But reallie, tough choice man! haha
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So now... i will treat her as a good friend and but I reallie hope she will accept me...
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Anyway... dun tok bout chasin her le lar. Didn't i promised myself I will treat her as a norm fren. Dun wan her to feel trapped, uncomfortable n stuff. And sianz lar... today actually wanna tell her sth 1 lar. But our friendship still nt tt strong yet and i still got a bit got e feeling of chasin her soI cannot talk normally. AARRGGG!!! Samuel!
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K, relax boi. k.. continue.
...
What is tt i wanna say?
...
HAHA 4get le...
nvm blog again later if i remember.
@ 8:16 PM
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So now... i will treat her as a good friend and but I reallie hope she will accept me...
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Anyway... dun tok bout chasin her le lar. Didn't i promised myself I will treat her as a norm fren. Dun wan her to feel trapped, uncomfortable n stuff. And sianz lar... today actually wanna tell her sth 1 lar. But our friendship still nt tt strong yet and i still got a bit got e feeling of chasin her soI cannot talk normally. AARRGGG!!! Samuel!
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K, relax boi. k.. continue.
...
What is tt i wanna say?
...
HAHA 4get le...
nvm blog again later if i remember.
@ 8:16 PM
Sunday, February 05, 2006
k... hmm... I was rejected. It's hard on me, but i know my life still have to go on.
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Ok... I hope we can still be friends. I promised myself tt i would respect her decision. If she wanted it to be this way, I would nt forced her. If that's e way it would be, face it. Life is unfair, get use to it. Loving someone is not jus bout gettin wat u wan, and... i jus wan her to stay happy.
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Whenever i c her feel sad or cry. It hurt my heart so bad. Also, i felt so terrible when i wasn't able to help her solve her prob. Make me so desperate. Actually wanted to tok 2 her, but seeing tt she is in such a state... i think i better let her calm down.
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Hope she would not see this blog b4 i tok to her bout it tomorrow. Just hope that she would become my "qualified" friends... (sry... 4 those hu do nt understand). And also even if i start with her or not, I personally want to give her e best gift a person can ever get. Dun worry, no strings attached, i truly wish to c someone to recieve it. Also, must have e chance to tok to her in person.
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I'm a failure. I can't even be a good friend. I felt so terrible when friends r good to me, when they cared 4 me. I also notice that i can't even hold a normal conversation for 1 min, except e friends tt i label "good" or "qualified". Which is so little i can count with fingers(of... 1 hand)
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I'm just too complicated, and emotionally unstable.
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Dun be decieve by my words, dun be decieve by my actions. I'm so good in my acting that I've being acting all these years and no one notice. I may say I'm ok and that's everthing's kool! But that was only acting, truly it is. I kept and i blocked all this emotion to myself and wear a smile whenever i go. I jus need someone to help me, someone that will understand hw i feel. But...
No one understand me. And no one is there to help me ... ...
@ 3:02 PM
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Ok... I hope we can still be friends. I promised myself tt i would respect her decision. If she wanted it to be this way, I would nt forced her. If that's e way it would be, face it. Life is unfair, get use to it. Loving someone is not jus bout gettin wat u wan, and... i jus wan her to stay happy.
-
Whenever i c her feel sad or cry. It hurt my heart so bad. Also, i felt so terrible when i wasn't able to help her solve her prob. Make me so desperate. Actually wanted to tok 2 her, but seeing tt she is in such a state... i think i better let her calm down.
-
Hope she would not see this blog b4 i tok to her bout it tomorrow. Just hope that she would become my "qualified" friends... (sry... 4 those hu do nt understand). And also even if i start with her or not, I personally want to give her e best gift a person can ever get. Dun worry, no strings attached, i truly wish to c someone to recieve it. Also, must have e chance to tok to her in person.
-
I'm a failure. I can't even be a good friend. I felt so terrible when friends r good to me, when they cared 4 me. I also notice that i can't even hold a normal conversation for 1 min, except e friends tt i label "good" or "qualified". Which is so little i can count with fingers(of... 1 hand)
-
I'm just too complicated, and emotionally unstable.
-
Dun be decieve by my words, dun be decieve by my actions. I'm so good in my acting that I've being acting all these years and no one notice. I may say I'm ok and that's everthing's kool! But that was only acting, truly it is. I kept and i blocked all this emotion to myself and wear a smile whenever i go. I jus need someone to help me, someone that will understand hw i feel. But...
No one understand me. And no one is there to help me ... ...
@ 3:02 PM
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Haha... jus got 2 stay positive... No one understand an anti-socialist except an anti-socialist. Faking friendship is so tiring. Faking enthu is slowly killing me. So sorry, my fren, Ced and Marcus. Anyway thanks 4 being there 4 me but now i think no one will ever understand how i feel. No one. I'm being closing up all my inner feelings coz i need to respect e others. It's not good to tell things bout other.
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Also dun know wat exactly wrong with me. Am i tired? Definitly not. Jealous? Hope not.
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I'm always giving in. There is no win-win solution. At least, i nvr did try to do it. I'm always e losing party. Whatever setback i got, i will just absorb it like a sponge, nvr did i share it with anyone. I always blocked my unhappiness. I'm about to be overwhelmed by it. It's killing me!!!
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As for e one i love. I respect e choice u make. Jus hope tt u will be happy. But e decision will directly affect me. Haha... dun mind me. Let me rot.
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Dud... are u being too sensitive? Why make such a big fuss?
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I've always being sensitive. Simple action or cues can mean a lot to me. A wrong moves is enough to spolit my day.
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Only e good Lord is able 2 understand me. I was able 2 feel his pressence. I'm so glad He is always there when i need help. But Lord!! Why are u so unfair. Why do u make me to be anti-social? I had enough of tis.
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In fact, i do wan 2 open up. But no one is there to listen to wat i'm going to say. At least no one qualified enough to. I doubt my true frens will wanna listen to tis alr. They will think, wat crap is samuel toking about. And there i am... still stuck in this state crying for help but no one care... e world is still going to turn... without me...
@ 10:24 PM
-
Also dun know wat exactly wrong with me. Am i tired? Definitly not. Jealous? Hope not.
-
I'm always giving in. There is no win-win solution. At least, i nvr did try to do it. I'm always e losing party. Whatever setback i got, i will just absorb it like a sponge, nvr did i share it with anyone. I always blocked my unhappiness. I'm about to be overwhelmed by it. It's killing me!!!
-
As for e one i love. I respect e choice u make. Jus hope tt u will be happy. But e decision will directly affect me. Haha... dun mind me. Let me rot.
-
Dud... are u being too sensitive? Why make such a big fuss?
-
I've always being sensitive. Simple action or cues can mean a lot to me. A wrong moves is enough to spolit my day.
-
Only e good Lord is able 2 understand me. I was able 2 feel his pressence. I'm so glad He is always there when i need help. But Lord!! Why are u so unfair. Why do u make me to be anti-social? I had enough of tis.
-
In fact, i do wan 2 open up. But no one is there to listen to wat i'm going to say. At least no one qualified enough to. I doubt my true frens will wanna listen to tis alr. They will think, wat crap is samuel toking about. And there i am... still stuck in this state crying for help but no one care... e world is still going to turn... without me...
@ 10:24 PM
Haiz... I'm suppose to be in school now. But I'll be late if i went to school today. Cos i misinterpret a sms my friend sent me. Meet at 7 at Kallang People Association? I was like... oh no. The time now is 6:45... need to rush there. So i reached People Association. No one was in sight. I called. They were saying tt they had alr reached e place and now at e canteen. How would i know it was e canteen in SR! lol. Anyway... i went a few round and called my friend again. Only then did i realised e training is at 7p.m.... not 7a.m.
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Also I had a stomachache tt time. So, i use this xcus... to take mc... at most write in a parent's letter.
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But i wanted to be in school! So sad... i wanted to go back so that I can see her. I thought... finally! I will be able to meet her. But hw i know tis kinda thing happen.\/=~_~)/
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Nvm. I will also get to meet her later. So... now i will do my hw first.
@ 10:09 AM
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Also I had a stomachache tt time. So, i use this xcus... to take mc... at most write in a parent's letter.
-
But i wanted to be in school! So sad... i wanted to go back so that I can see her. I thought... finally! I will be able to meet her. But hw i know tis kinda thing happen.\/=~_~)/
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Nvm. I will also get to meet her later. So... now i will do my hw first.
@ 10:09 AM
WeLc0mE
Hi, this is a blog by 5amuel Chan.
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Pr0fiLe
5amuel Chan
10021989
Interactive Media Design
Temasek Polytechnic
Christ Church Sec. Sch
Qihua Pri. Sch
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nth much...