Friday, March 31, 2006
Nowadays veri sianz la. Everyone seem to be busy... For me leh...? Previously, I tried to find some entertainment via online chat and games. One of my favourite hangout is habbo hotel. Then, after knowing a bunch of frens, and finding 2 cute and adorable god sis, i'm starting to get sianz of going to habbo le.
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But even after having these frens i noe frm habbo, i very rarely tok to them... N my smaller god sis of mine slowly chat with me lesser and lesser. Maybe she's juz busy, facing some prob, or juz gettin sian of playin tis gor gor mei mei game. Watever e case, i will nt blame her. I can't possibly wan some1 to always keep me entertain. That won't be fair.
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Life starting to become a drag, i felt tt boredem is killing me. I wan to find some1 to tok to. I wan tis lousy feeling to cease. But it will nt happen till i get to poly. Can't wait 4 it to start.
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Be4 poly even start, i alr felt tt stress is settin in. You might be thinkin i muz be crazy. Nt even jc, it's juz poly... and school still haven start. Where's e stress? I muz be thinking too much.
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Well... yea, I am thinkin too much. It is because, i have a dream... I set high goals... i want to achieve it. I wan to go uni. In order to achieve tt... i noe there's a lotta things i gotta do. Even nw, be4 school... i'm thinkin if whether i can catch up. Do i need any pre-poly preapration? If so, i do have things in mind tt i wanna learn. Should i start nw? Will I achieve my goals?
@ 11:22 PM
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But even after having these frens i noe frm habbo, i very rarely tok to them... N my smaller god sis of mine slowly chat with me lesser and lesser. Maybe she's juz busy, facing some prob, or juz gettin sian of playin tis gor gor mei mei game. Watever e case, i will nt blame her. I can't possibly wan some1 to always keep me entertain. That won't be fair.
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Life starting to become a drag, i felt tt boredem is killing me. I wan to find some1 to tok to. I wan tis lousy feeling to cease. But it will nt happen till i get to poly. Can't wait 4 it to start.
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Be4 poly even start, i alr felt tt stress is settin in. You might be thinkin i muz be crazy. Nt even jc, it's juz poly... and school still haven start. Where's e stress? I muz be thinking too much.
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Well... yea, I am thinkin too much. It is because, i have a dream... I set high goals... i want to achieve it. I wan to go uni. In order to achieve tt... i noe there's a lotta things i gotta do. Even nw, be4 school... i'm thinkin if whether i can catch up. Do i need any pre-poly preapration? If so, i do have things in mind tt i wanna learn. Should i start nw? Will I achieve my goals?
@ 11:22 PM
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Finally back. I've stopped writing my blog for like soo.. long coz i 've nth to do at home, and nth happen for e past weeks. Since i've accepted e job(i'm really gettin paid for it, excluding allowance) dad gave me, which is to take care of granny and to teach my younger sis, I couldn't go out as n when I like. So i was like trapped at home lo :(
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Nothing really happened during these few days. The only significant thing that happen to me is that I quarrel with my sis very often. I tried my best to be a good brother... i really do. But my sis is like super unreasonable, want thing her ways... well. If we were to give in to everything she DEMAND, that will be spoiling her. That will also mean i will nt be a good brother.
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It's nt tt I am pushing her too hard. But I am tryin to help her see that nt everything would go her way. I am also nt tryin to make her SUPER good gal and had high expectation of her but she needed all tt xperienced... E.g. when friends make fun of her, she muz learn to nt to get angry. When teachers or frens say sth tt will make her life uneasy, she muz juz cope with it. When her demand is nt met, juz learn to accept it. These are are real-life scenario that might happen. Anyway... these example tt i quoted had alr happened and I've seen how bad she had cope with it. She juz get angry, cry and complain.
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Sometime, I also feel that it's nt ez being a good brother. To give in to watever she demand, juz let her be happy, tt way i'm also happy, and make her even more self-centred OR to stimulate a little of wat it will be like in the world today, make her learn to nt focus just on herself only, think about others.
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I really give up on her le la... who call my parents to spolit her. Even when i tell my parents tt shldn't be e way, they juz say tt she is still young and will change when she grow up. MY HEAD arh... They shldn't teach her like e way they teach me.(i'm nt tryin to shw off) I'm different, since young, i'm able to think of others, i'm able to keep unhappy things to myself. So, my parents need not worry about me. However, nw when teachin my sis, they think tt she is like me, and tt they r more lac in disiplinin her than me.
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When i say i have nth to do at home, i literally mean it. This is e first time i so wanted school to start soon. It's reallie sian at home lo. Well... so i gt nth better go habbo hotel meet ppl. E first person i met is a young gal who is only 12, in p6. Then after much chat, she became my god sister. And she was like so cute lo... :) Now at least i have one little sister to chat when i'm sian... \/=^-^)/
@ 6:46 PM
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Nothing really happened during these few days. The only significant thing that happen to me is that I quarrel with my sis very often. I tried my best to be a good brother... i really do. But my sis is like super unreasonable, want thing her ways... well. If we were to give in to everything she DEMAND, that will be spoiling her. That will also mean i will nt be a good brother.
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It's nt tt I am pushing her too hard. But I am tryin to help her see that nt everything would go her way. I am also nt tryin to make her SUPER good gal and had high expectation of her but she needed all tt xperienced... E.g. when friends make fun of her, she muz learn to nt to get angry. When teachers or frens say sth tt will make her life uneasy, she muz juz cope with it. When her demand is nt met, juz learn to accept it. These are are real-life scenario that might happen. Anyway... these example tt i quoted had alr happened and I've seen how bad she had cope with it. She juz get angry, cry and complain.
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Sometime, I also feel that it's nt ez being a good brother. To give in to watever she demand, juz let her be happy, tt way i'm also happy, and make her even more self-centred OR to stimulate a little of wat it will be like in the world today, make her learn to nt focus just on herself only, think about others.
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I really give up on her le la... who call my parents to spolit her. Even when i tell my parents tt shldn't be e way, they juz say tt she is still young and will change when she grow up. MY HEAD arh... They shldn't teach her like e way they teach me.(i'm nt tryin to shw off) I'm different, since young, i'm able to think of others, i'm able to keep unhappy things to myself. So, my parents need not worry about me. However, nw when teachin my sis, they think tt she is like me, and tt they r more lac in disiplinin her than me.
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When i say i have nth to do at home, i literally mean it. This is e first time i so wanted school to start soon. It's reallie sian at home lo. Well... so i gt nth better go habbo hotel meet ppl. E first person i met is a young gal who is only 12, in p6. Then after much chat, she became my god sister. And she was like so cute lo... :) Now at least i have one little sister to chat when i'm sian... \/=^-^)/
@ 6:46 PM
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Haiz... was sick for e past few days so nvr write blog. I was sick coz... either i ate e chocolates my frens gave me, or that my inconsiderate sister passed it to me. Also, my com kanna e spyware, CoolWebSearch, spent hours and days trying to get rid of it. Till nw still cannot remove. It's e latest variant 1 lo, so no updates against it. Manual removal is also a prob, and an article even say it is e natiest spyware around. Make com lag, hijack browser, produces pop-up. why i so unlucky.
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My sis is like very self-centred lo. Everything also muz be to her favour. Never consider for other. Like that i told her to cover her mouth when she's coughing. She nvr cover nvm, never turn alway, cough onto my face somemore. Nw i sick, she dun take care of me nvm, still say it's my own fault for being sick. What an idiot lo, she spread to me one lo
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Haven heard frm jie for quite a while le. Dun noe hw is she nw. Hope she alrite.
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So sian lo. E whole mth nth to do, juz stay at home slack. Hmmm... can't wait for poly to start. Can't wait to make new friends. Also my course also sound interestin lo. Wanna quickly start lesson, learn wat it is all bout. \/=^-^)/
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Todae, my "babies" had a BBQ at William's house. I tot it will be fun lo, bt most of e time e guys tok bout Dota(especially with Ced around, he get damn excited when he tok bt it). I dun play Dota, nvr plan to start playin, so i was like so left out. Jus stand around hearing them say all those Dota's stuff, something even noddin n laughin when dey all laugh(as if noe wat's it bout).
@ 2:04 AM
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My sis is like very self-centred lo. Everything also muz be to her favour. Never consider for other. Like that i told her to cover her mouth when she's coughing. She nvr cover nvm, never turn alway, cough onto my face somemore. Nw i sick, she dun take care of me nvm, still say it's my own fault for being sick. What an idiot lo, she spread to me one lo
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Haven heard frm jie for quite a while le. Dun noe hw is she nw. Hope she alrite.
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So sian lo. E whole mth nth to do, juz stay at home slack. Hmmm... can't wait for poly to start. Can't wait to make new friends. Also my course also sound interestin lo. Wanna quickly start lesson, learn wat it is all bout. \/=^-^)/
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Todae, my "babies" had a BBQ at William's house. I tot it will be fun lo, bt most of e time e guys tok bout Dota(especially with Ced around, he get damn excited when he tok bt it). I dun play Dota, nvr plan to start playin, so i was like so left out. Jus stand around hearing them say all those Dota's stuff, something even noddin n laughin when dey all laugh(as if noe wat's it bout).
@ 2:04 AM
Monday, March 13, 2006
Jie jie juz told me she gt 9As for her SPM results. Congrats man~! Jie, di reallie felt happi n proud 4 u. Good luck in watever u do in e future... And hope u can find a place to stay soon. lol.
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Back to ME... (anywae... i wrote tis blog juz to spill out all my feeling, so tis blog is veri self, or samuel-orientated.) Well... time is passin reallie slowly. reallie missed school(SR), missed my frens, missed my "babies" and especially my jie. Enough of e i-like-jie stuff le. Me reallie need to move on. What's my probs? My original plan is to have a jie jie mah. Juz a sister. nth more. One hu whom i will share my happiness, my sorrow and vice-versa. Isn't it better tt way?
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But i muz understand... jie is a buzi person. So, ... well... i shldn't bother her so much. \/=~-~)/ --- ((That leave me thinking... wat good of havin such a jie jie... haha juz kiddin))
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Todae... i went to watch "I NOT STUPID TOO" again~! Nw with mah mum n mah younger sis. Dare nt tell them i watch it 2times le... they tot i watch it only 1 time. One time after Chingay Celebration. Another time wif jie. Nvr tell them... haha~! Can't believe i'm so emotional, i cr... no... i shld say sth went into my eye AGAIN. So, tt's e 3rd time watchin it le. I think i damn waste money lo :(
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I reallie apologize to ppl hu dun understand wat i'm writin. It is either it's too persona, u need to noe e backgrd to understand, or its juz tt my english suck (wat can i do? i failed my EL one lo)
@ 11:17 PM
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Back to ME... (anywae... i wrote tis blog juz to spill out all my feeling, so tis blog is veri self, or samuel-orientated.) Well... time is passin reallie slowly. reallie missed school(SR), missed my frens, missed my "babies" and especially my jie. Enough of e i-like-jie stuff le. Me reallie need to move on. What's my probs? My original plan is to have a jie jie mah. Juz a sister. nth more. One hu whom i will share my happiness, my sorrow and vice-versa. Isn't it better tt way?
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But i muz understand... jie is a buzi person. So, ... well... i shldn't bother her so much. \/=~-~)/ --- ((That leave me thinking... wat good of havin such a jie jie... haha juz kiddin))
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Todae... i went to watch "I NOT STUPID TOO" again~! Nw with mah mum n mah younger sis. Dare nt tell them i watch it 2times le... they tot i watch it only 1 time. One time after Chingay Celebration. Another time wif jie. Nvr tell them... haha~! Can't believe i'm so emotional, i cr... no... i shld say sth went into my eye AGAIN. So, tt's e 3rd time watchin it le. I think i damn waste money lo :(
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I reallie apologize to ppl hu dun understand wat i'm writin. It is either it's too persona, u need to noe e backgrd to understand, or its juz tt my english suck (wat can i do? i failed my EL one lo)
@ 11:17 PM
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Yipee... Athens has won the war~!
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I know this day will come de. All thanks to us OGLs, PLs and our "babies"(tt's wat Justin wan us to call our freshmen), we finally emerged as a victor. The whole family is celebrating and well... every Athenians is happy... well... almost everyone.
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After we were all released,I started thinking of what happen next. I had e fun n interaction in 2nd Orientation le. Well... finally back to reality. E fact tt i will nt be stayin in SR. The fact tt i will nt be able to see e new frens i made this often, especially jie. The fact tt today when i stepped out of e school gate, it's for good.
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Even though this 2 mth in SR is e lowest of my life, it also has e happiest moments in my life. SRJC leave me with mani memories. Both good and bad.
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Reallie tired nw... one whole day of activities. K, i think i stopped writing le.
@ 12:16 AM
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I know this day will come de. All thanks to us OGLs, PLs and our "babies"(tt's wat Justin wan us to call our freshmen), we finally emerged as a victor. The whole family is celebrating and well... every Athenians is happy... well... almost everyone.
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After we were all released,I started thinking of what happen next. I had e fun n interaction in 2nd Orientation le. Well... finally back to reality. E fact tt i will nt be stayin in SR. The fact tt i will nt be able to see e new frens i made this often, especially jie. The fact tt today when i stepped out of e school gate, it's for good.
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Even though this 2 mth in SR is e lowest of my life, it also has e happiest moments in my life. SRJC leave me with mani memories. Both good and bad.
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Reallie tired nw... one whole day of activities. K, i think i stopped writing le.
@ 12:16 AM
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Today damn unlucky lo. I thought i can stay undercover till orientation ends de. Who knows... someone leaked out n Ms Foo come to know bout it. I was called over and was ask a series of questions. I was told to go to see Mr Philip Tan and after a long time of debating, Mr Tan finally allowed me to stay and help, only as as a helper, not as a OGL, so i also cannot wear e OGL orientation T. But at least i can stay with my frens, as i expect tt i will be kicked out as soon as i'm exposed.
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I'm e kinda person tt only lead n take charge when i was offer e chance. I really hate to purposely publisized myself, and take charge jus to gain recognition and fame. However I do believe chances need to be grabbed, but i will overdo it.
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Haha, tml i need nt go early to SR 4 OGL briefin... but i still need my rest... n i so tired nw... so nite nite... blog nxt time
@ 10:41 PM
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I'm e kinda person tt only lead n take charge when i was offer e chance. I really hate to purposely publisized myself, and take charge jus to gain recognition and fame. However I do believe chances need to be grabbed, but i will overdo it.
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Haha, tml i need nt go early to SR 4 OGL briefin... but i still need my rest... n i so tired nw... so nite nite... blog nxt time
@ 10:41 PM
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
What a tiring day. This is e second day of orientation in SR. I think we had done a great job in leading e freshmen. However, i felt that they are not as enthu as we were durin e first orientation, our batch. Also partly our fault, we r not as pro as our senior, Nicholas and Vincent, as an OGL.
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Yesterdae, i actually went round hearland mall till 8+ tryin to find materials, to make into keychains or handfone accesories to give to jie, and me keeping one. It's sth like "frens 4ever" sort of thing, only tt it's "didi and jiejie 4ever", so we will remember each other when we see it.
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Also I need to revert back to my original self le lar, no point acting on. I want to NOT be so enthu and being sociable during e 1st 3 mth so i can see who cares, who are true frens. And my objectives really works. I found some really good frens, and a good jie jie(is she..?). But now I can't revert back le. Everyone believes that i'm e quiet one, everyone thinks that I'm tt kinda always depressed one, no one give me a chance to let me go back to my top form, as e leader i truly is. (Hmmm... evidence being... hey, i'm e vp of student council leh, n is used to be as cheerful n enthu as jane lo. lol)
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However e fact tt i am anti-social is still true, it's only tt i want to acquire skills in leadin, skill in management of ppl, skills in organizin things. But tis isn't a place for me to pick those skills d. Since i started badly, it's good that i will be goin to a new environment(polytechnic) and start o'er again. Hope i will not screw up e nxt time. Wish me luck~! \/=^-^)/
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And, i still like jie alot. However, we still need to continue with our lives. I tried veri hard, literally, to treat her as jie, even though hw my overwhelming my feelin towards her is. Hope after i get to polytechnic, we will still keep in contact and go walk walk. And haha... since jie jie might be seeing tis... jie jie u still owe me my birthday present leh. And got time go play pool... go ice-skate k? I still remember\/=~_~)/ haha
@ 6:32 PM
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Yesterdae, i actually went round hearland mall till 8+ tryin to find materials, to make into keychains or handfone accesories to give to jie, and me keeping one. It's sth like "frens 4ever" sort of thing, only tt it's "didi and jiejie 4ever", so we will remember each other when we see it.
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Also I need to revert back to my original self le lar, no point acting on. I want to NOT be so enthu and being sociable during e 1st 3 mth so i can see who cares, who are true frens. And my objectives really works. I found some really good frens, and a good jie jie(is she..?). But now I can't revert back le. Everyone believes that i'm e quiet one, everyone thinks that I'm tt kinda always depressed one, no one give me a chance to let me go back to my top form, as e leader i truly is. (Hmmm... evidence being... hey, i'm e vp of student council leh, n is used to be as cheerful n enthu as jane lo. lol)
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However e fact tt i am anti-social is still true, it's only tt i want to acquire skills in leadin, skill in management of ppl, skills in organizin things. But tis isn't a place for me to pick those skills d. Since i started badly, it's good that i will be goin to a new environment(polytechnic) and start o'er again. Hope i will not screw up e nxt time. Wish me luck~! \/=^-^)/
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And, i still like jie alot. However, we still need to continue with our lives. I tried veri hard, literally, to treat her as jie, even though hw my overwhelming my feelin towards her is. Hope after i get to polytechnic, we will still keep in contact and go walk walk. And haha... since jie jie might be seeing tis... jie jie u still owe me my birthday present leh. And got time go play pool... go ice-skate k? I still remember\/=~_~)/ haha
@ 6:32 PM
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Just found out that maybe is that i shout too much i tear my throat and tt's y i cough out blood. Still need to lead in service today, sing till my throat damn painful lo.
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Ask if whether jie is free or nt, can bring me go buy clothes. Jie agreed and we go Orchard to buy. It all went veri smooth n fun till i receive a phone call. My fren gt pissed off by a mail i sent. Then i felt reallie sorry lo, also very low. Jie kept cheering me up, damn funny. When i ask jie if whether she's a free-thinker (she look n acted like one), how i know her reaction will be so big, she think tt i wanna "convert" her n stuff... n totally shut herself away. Haha...I not exactly want to "convert" her. Only tell her bout my xperienced and struggles. Like, why i wanted to be able to see ghost, and that i used to want to prove God does not exsit, etc.
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Even though i come frm a Christian family, i dun believe in e exsistence of God, or any spiriture being, that's y i so wanted to see ghost. I am a person who need to see evidences n scientific proof so i dun believe in God. Then i went round, tryin to find loopholes, to prove that this is all fake. The more i research into it, the more i believe in its exsistence. Believe it or nt, i went from comparing the history timeline, findin bout dinosaurs(to my surprise, e bible do tok bout dinosaurs), even to e extent of reading bout how e origin of the universe, via bigbang, is so ridiculous.
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now, i hand all my prob to HIM, share my feelings with HIM, obeyin and lovin HIM. But till nw i still have a little prob, which is that i am still unable hand my relation matter to HIM. I know God has his plan, and e rite person for me, but due to my personality, i'm nt able to stop myself from loving others, (as in e bgr thingie...). Reallie hope God will give me strength to "overcome" these "temptation" \/=~-~)/ haha
@ 11:47 PM
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Ask if whether jie is free or nt, can bring me go buy clothes. Jie agreed and we go Orchard to buy. It all went veri smooth n fun till i receive a phone call. My fren gt pissed off by a mail i sent. Then i felt reallie sorry lo, also very low. Jie kept cheering me up, damn funny. When i ask jie if whether she's a free-thinker (she look n acted like one), how i know her reaction will be so big, she think tt i wanna "convert" her n stuff... n totally shut herself away. Haha...I not exactly want to "convert" her. Only tell her bout my xperienced and struggles. Like, why i wanted to be able to see ghost, and that i used to want to prove God does not exsit, etc.
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Even though i come frm a Christian family, i dun believe in e exsistence of God, or any spiriture being, that's y i so wanted to see ghost. I am a person who need to see evidences n scientific proof so i dun believe in God. Then i went round, tryin to find loopholes, to prove that this is all fake. The more i research into it, the more i believe in its exsistence. Believe it or nt, i went from comparing the history timeline, findin bout dinosaurs(to my surprise, e bible do tok bout dinosaurs), even to e extent of reading bout how e origin of the universe, via bigbang, is so ridiculous.
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now, i hand all my prob to HIM, share my feelings with HIM, obeyin and lovin HIM. But till nw i still have a little prob, which is that i am still unable hand my relation matter to HIM. I know God has his plan, and e rite person for me, but due to my personality, i'm nt able to stop myself from loving others, (as in e bgr thingie...). Reallie hope God will give me strength to "overcome" these "temptation" \/=~-~)/ haha
@ 11:47 PM
Saturday, March 04, 2006
OMGosh... i thought my chest hurts only because of emotional factor, but now i even cough out blood. Is feelin lousy bad for yr health? Reallie muz take care of my body.
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I thought that jie will be commin o'er to my house for gym but in e end, she juz came o'er to sit sit for 10 min then go off le... sad la. But nvm, seeing e smile on her face is enough to make my day. And i sincerly hope jie will enjoy herself.
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I juz surf thru TP homepage, to familarize with their culture, buildin a sense of belongin. I realise tt i'm alr starting to accept and like poly le. Also, juz sms and ask jie if she can help me choose clothes or nt. Coz i'm reallie a fashion idiot and tt all i have is just Giodarno t-shirts... Imagine, that i will keep wearin the t shirt with e "ME"(Giodarno) word for e rest of my poly life.
@ 10:39 PM
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I thought that jie will be commin o'er to my house for gym but in e end, she juz came o'er to sit sit for 10 min then go off le... sad la. But nvm, seeing e smile on her face is enough to make my day. And i sincerly hope jie will enjoy herself.
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I juz surf thru TP homepage, to familarize with their culture, buildin a sense of belongin. I realise tt i'm alr starting to accept and like poly le. Also, juz sms and ask jie if she can help me choose clothes or nt. Coz i'm reallie a fashion idiot and tt all i have is just Giodarno t-shirts... Imagine, that i will keep wearin the t shirt with e "ME"(Giodarno) word for e rest of my poly life.
@ 10:39 PM
Friday, March 03, 2006
I'm actually goin to suntec to find job at e exhibit, but i was too exhausted le, mentally exhausted.
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I was ok this mornin... well... at least i look ok. I looked up e jae posting result. As expected, i got into e first choice, which is a course in TP(nt TPJC, it's Temasek Poly), Interactive Media Design. -
I felt tt first 3 mth in jc is e lowest of my life. I was nvr liddat b4. Trust me. Too many promises but also too mani broken ones. A massive withdraw in both personal n relation bank.
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I felt relieved... and also accept the fate of being in poly. So i went round e school askin ppl, even console ppl hu is nt happy with e postin result. However when i approached jie jie, i told jie bout e news, but she told me i shld appeal to jc n tt she dun lik poly. I was lik d tok 2 e p twice, n it's a strict no no. Then came jie's comment. I was lik trapped in btw and was feelin a bit sad jie dun lik me to b in poly.
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After tt, i still continue to be sociable, even to e extent of tokin to e "ultra-shy" Sean, n goin bowling with him.
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But then durin e walk-in i was totally break down. Jie was partly rite. The councillior who console me was also rite. Jie thinks tt i was so down coz i will nt b able to see her. true. E councillior tot i was down coz i d very attached n belong to frens in sr. also true. The fact is there is no isolation of reasons. E final straw that make me breakdown is when i looked in hw chaotic my family state is in n all e Unhappiness in my fren... i reallie felt bad for them, also i relates those unhappiness to me.
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If i was handed these prob slowly, one by one. I will have no problem as i noe hw to resolve them n at most let time heal e wound. But when 3 blow come at me at once, i was like unable to get a grip on either one and fall into a deep state of depression. This is e time i want my frens to help, but no one did. I want to tell my fren hw i felt, i want...
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The 3 major blow is first e poor 'o' result, believe it or nt... i still haven gt o'er it though i look ok n tt i look lik i accepted it, BUT I'M NOT~! 2nd is on relations thingie... i do nt wish to say in details. Those hu noe me will noe bout it, or u can jus ask me. PLus e feeling of inferiority. 3rd, e last reason, is that i have a passion to lead n serve, i was nt appointed a vp in e council for nth lo. I just reserve my state of being a leader till i was more settled down. Which i tot will be after 1st 3 mths. Tt's y i say i will only join council after 1st 3 mth. But no... i will nvr had e chance le. That sadden me.
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Like hw u would conclude yr ss paper.... there is no isolation of reasons, they are all inter-related and led to me to lose myself.
@ 7:19 PM
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I was ok this mornin... well... at least i look ok. I looked up e jae posting result. As expected, i got into e first choice, which is a course in TP(nt TPJC, it's Temasek Poly), Interactive Media Design. -
I felt tt first 3 mth in jc is e lowest of my life. I was nvr liddat b4. Trust me. Too many promises but also too mani broken ones. A massive withdraw in both personal n relation bank.
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I felt relieved... and also accept the fate of being in poly. So i went round e school askin ppl, even console ppl hu is nt happy with e postin result. However when i approached jie jie, i told jie bout e news, but she told me i shld appeal to jc n tt she dun lik poly. I was lik d tok 2 e p twice, n it's a strict no no. Then came jie's comment. I was lik trapped in btw and was feelin a bit sad jie dun lik me to b in poly.
-
After tt, i still continue to be sociable, even to e extent of tokin to e "ultra-shy" Sean, n goin bowling with him.
-
But then durin e walk-in i was totally break down. Jie was partly rite. The councillior who console me was also rite. Jie thinks tt i was so down coz i will nt b able to see her. true. E councillior tot i was down coz i d very attached n belong to frens in sr. also true. The fact is there is no isolation of reasons. E final straw that make me breakdown is when i looked in hw chaotic my family state is in n all e Unhappiness in my fren... i reallie felt bad for them, also i relates those unhappiness to me.
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If i was handed these prob slowly, one by one. I will have no problem as i noe hw to resolve them n at most let time heal e wound. But when 3 blow come at me at once, i was like unable to get a grip on either one and fall into a deep state of depression. This is e time i want my frens to help, but no one did. I want to tell my fren hw i felt, i want...
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The 3 major blow is first e poor 'o' result, believe it or nt... i still haven gt o'er it though i look ok n tt i look lik i accepted it, BUT I'M NOT~! 2nd is on relations thingie... i do nt wish to say in details. Those hu noe me will noe bout it, or u can jus ask me. PLus e feeling of inferiority. 3rd, e last reason, is that i have a passion to lead n serve, i was nt appointed a vp in e council for nth lo. I just reserve my state of being a leader till i was more settled down. Which i tot will be after 1st 3 mths. Tt's y i say i will only join council after 1st 3 mth. But no... i will nvr had e chance le. That sadden me.
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Like hw u would conclude yr ss paper.... there is no isolation of reasons, they are all inter-related and led to me to lose myself.
@ 7:19 PM
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Relationships are a pain
Especially loving someone in vain
Knowing that no matter what u say
She loves someone else that way
-
Looking at the person u love
Can be a painful thing not from above
Knowing that she doesn't love u like that
However still wishing the couple would be happy
-
Feeling like you've lost yr best friend
Knowing she won't love u in the end
Hoping 1 day she will change her mind
Wishing that yr heart she would find
-
Wanting to talk to her hours on end
Even when u know she has a boyfriend
Watching him play with her curls
Wishing it was you instead of that guy
-
Knowing one day you'll make it through
But all the while wishing it was just u
That's the feeling of unrequited love
Something most definitely not from above
@ 10:28 PM
Especially loving someone in vain
Knowing that no matter what u say
She loves someone else that way
-
Looking at the person u love
Can be a painful thing not from above
Knowing that she doesn't love u like that
However still wishing the couple would be happy
-
Feeling like you've lost yr best friend
Knowing she won't love u in the end
Hoping 1 day she will change her mind
Wishing that yr heart she would find
-
Wanting to talk to her hours on end
Even when u know she has a boyfriend
Watching him play with her curls
Wishing it was you instead of that guy
-
Knowing one day you'll make it through
But all the while wishing it was just u
That's the feeling of unrequited love
Something most definitely not from above
@ 10:28 PM
Todae... after a little nap in k box, i 'm little energetic, so i might be able to write a bit more, think a bit more wat to write. So i sum out my feeling in 2 poem
-
The pain of rejection is always hard.
When e love u offer is unrequited.
It hurts 2 go from day to day.
Always thinking of tt one special love you'll never have.
It feels like u can't go on.
u can't even breath.
It hurts 2 know that the one u love,
Doesn't care if u feel like your world is crumbling.
It hurts but someday you'll make it through.
---------
My heart is crying silently
Deep down into the night
Because it has a hopeless dream
A dream it cannot fight
-
It cannot show the truth to you
As you would surely laugh
And that I know would break my heart
My heart thats made of glass
-
Gradually the pain will ease
But I will not forget
The love that I have got for you
The love you will not get
-
And when I think about you
I know I�ll have to cry
Because this love inside me
Will never ever die.
--------
@ 9:43 PM
-
The pain of rejection is always hard.
When e love u offer is unrequited.
It hurts 2 go from day to day.
Always thinking of tt one special love you'll never have.
It feels like u can't go on.
u can't even breath.
It hurts 2 know that the one u love,
Doesn't care if u feel like your world is crumbling.
It hurts but someday you'll make it through.
---------
My heart is crying silently
Deep down into the night
Because it has a hopeless dream
A dream it cannot fight
-
It cannot show the truth to you
As you would surely laugh
And that I know would break my heart
My heart thats made of glass
-
Gradually the pain will ease
But I will not forget
The love that I have got for you
The love you will not get
-
And when I think about you
I know I�ll have to cry
Because this love inside me
Will never ever die.
--------
@ 9:43 PM
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
It's e max le... i tell u~! anymore... i'll go nuts. I also begin to think funny tots le. Really wan to tok to someone... but no one is there for me. Got bang by a car just now when commin home, mind drifting off to other places, though my legs nt broken, it's damn painful lor. And thanks e Lord, It nvr even bruised. I thanks jie for all that she have done for me and wat she wants me to go thru, I understand, i truly understand. I will overcome it, i will, all else all jie's effort will go to waste. But i reallie need to talk. I like went round e skool 15++ rounds le tryin to find someone to tok to. But everyone seem so buzy, or already have accompany le(all, except me) dun wan to bother them. I just need someone to listen to wat i have to say, wat i want to say.
-
Gone are e times where jie n ethel would reallie sit with me, and ask wat reallie went wrong. I jus need to speak, i dun care wat e outcome is. I'm so sad... i'm so lonely again. I tot you all said you wanted to help, but in e end, it went one big round and here i am, back to square one.
-
Now i know wat e consequences of speakin yr mind, tot u all wan to know, tot u all would treat it as if i never say it. But even though u all nvr say it, e actions betrayed all of u. I'm not dumb, in fact, i'm highly sensitive, i noe. All of u betrayed me... i never can be e same samuel again. I wanted to be... but i am nvr given e chance.
-
I reallie dun mind if i go poly or jc, reallie i dun mind. But i get e feeling of inferiority, when compared to jie. And think of it, i dun have anything to impress jie. I felt so worthless... so useless... and the MAIN prob is, i dun get to see jie.
-
The fact is that i'm still there for jie, whenever she need help, to support her. But need jie to understand... jie u r all closest person to me now... and even if we r nt together as in e.... but i will still love u as a jie. Now i only live for God, and jie.
-
God give me e strength to live on, while jie support watever i do... i tot it would be like tis. How would i noe jie would pai say me like tt me like this~!? :
@ 4:26 PM
-
Gone are e times where jie n ethel would reallie sit with me, and ask wat reallie went wrong. I jus need to speak, i dun care wat e outcome is. I'm so sad... i'm so lonely again. I tot you all said you wanted to help, but in e end, it went one big round and here i am, back to square one.
-
Now i know wat e consequences of speakin yr mind, tot u all wan to know, tot u all would treat it as if i never say it. But even though u all nvr say it, e actions betrayed all of u. I'm not dumb, in fact, i'm highly sensitive, i noe. All of u betrayed me... i never can be e same samuel again. I wanted to be... but i am nvr given e chance.
-
I reallie dun mind if i go poly or jc, reallie i dun mind. But i get e feeling of inferiority, when compared to jie. And think of it, i dun have anything to impress jie. I felt so worthless... so useless... and the MAIN prob is, i dun get to see jie.
-
The fact is that i'm still there for jie, whenever she need help, to support her. But need jie to understand... jie u r all closest person to me now... and even if we r nt together as in e.... but i will still love u as a jie. Now i only live for God, and jie.
-
God give me e strength to live on, while jie support watever i do... i tot it would be like tis. How would i noe jie would pai say me like tt me like this~!? :
@ 4:26 PM
WeLc0mE
Hi, this is a blog by 5amuel Chan.
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5amuel Chan
10021989
Interactive Media Design
Temasek Polytechnic
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Qihua Pri. Sch
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