I'm actually goin to suntec to find job at e exhibit, but i was too exhausted le, mentally exhausted.
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I was ok this mornin... well... at least i look ok. I looked up e jae posting result. As expected, i got into e first choice, which is a course in TP(nt TPJC, it's Temasek Poly), Interactive Media Design. -
I felt tt first 3 mth in jc is e lowest of my life. I was nvr liddat b4. Trust me. Too many promises but also too mani broken ones. A massive withdraw in both personal n relation bank.
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I felt relieved... and also accept the fate of being in poly. So i went round e school askin ppl, even console ppl hu is nt happy with e postin result. However when i approached jie jie, i told jie bout e news, but she told me i shld appeal to jc n tt she dun lik poly. I was lik d tok 2 e p twice, n it's a strict no no. Then came jie's comment. I was lik trapped in btw and was feelin a bit sad jie dun lik me to b in poly.
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After tt, i still continue to be sociable, even to e extent of tokin to e "ultra-shy" Sean, n goin bowling with him.
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But then durin e walk-in i was totally break down. Jie was partly rite. The councillior who console me was also rite. Jie thinks tt i was so down coz i will nt b able to see her. true. E councillior tot i was down coz i d very attached n belong to frens in sr. also true. The fact is there is no isolation of reasons. E final straw that make me breakdown is when i looked in hw chaotic my family state is in n all e Unhappiness in my fren... i reallie felt bad for them, also i relates those unhappiness to me.
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If i was handed these prob slowly, one by one. I will have no problem as i noe hw to resolve them n at most let time heal e wound. But when 3 blow come at me at once, i was like unable to get a grip on either one and fall into a deep state of depression. This is e time i want my frens to help, but no one did. I want to tell my fren hw i felt, i want...
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The 3 major blow is first e poor 'o' result, believe it or nt... i still haven gt o'er it though i look ok n tt i look lik i accepted it, BUT I'M NOT~! 2nd is on relations thingie... i do nt wish to say in details. Those hu noe me will noe bout it, or u can jus ask me. PLus e feeling of inferiority. 3rd, e last reason, is that i have a passion to lead n serve, i was nt appointed a vp in e council for nth lo. I just reserve my state of being a leader till i was more settled down. Which i tot will be after 1st 3 mths. Tt's y i say i will only join council after 1st 3 mth. But no... i will nvr had e chance le. That sadden me.
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Like hw u would conclude yr ss paper.... there is no isolation of reasons, they are all inter-related and led to me to lose myself.